Austen 2008!

Alert Janeite Sylvia sent us a video of Pride and Prejudice in alternate reality…

And if you prefer your Jane Austen a little more low-concept, Alert Baja Janeite sent us a video of a cartoon cat reading the first chapter of P&P. No catch, that’s exactly what it is.

Nibbles has a very relaxing voice, doesn’t he?

A constant bone of contention amongst Janeites seems to be, “Is Mr. Darcy really proud or just a bit shy and awkward?”* Alert Janeite Allison sent us a YouTube video that answers the question for once and all: he wasn’t shy, he wasn’t proud…he was OBSESSED!

This video was made as an example/test by a teacher who is giving a class assignment in which students are to recut a movie trailer. We think he did a fine job, and got a giggle out of it. Though we think it needs vampyres. And ninjas.

*The book isn’t called Diffidence and Prejudice. Just saying.

Jane on the Fascist Jumbo-tron!

Jane Austen: People of Earth!

People of Earth: Eeeeeeek!

J.A: People of Earth! It has come to Our attention that you have read Our Magnum Opus, Pride and Prejudice!

President of Earth: [shoved forward by everyone else] A-and we loved it, Ma’am! Especially Elizabeth! S-she was so witty, and…

J.A: Silence! You have misunderstood Our intention! You seem to think Elizabeth got her man because she was witty, clever, and good-humored! You could not be more mistaken!

Go read the rest. It’s quite hilarious.

Part the First, Part the Second

Day 13: Miss M. came to dinner. Father drunk as usual, nearly gave away the game with his comments on the “elasticity” of her walk. Eleanor and I on tenterhooks waiting for him to reveal too much to Miss M. Afraid was not the wittiest.

Day 14: Frederick came to Rooms with us tonight. Pulled me out of set to ask if I knew that my girlfriend’s brother was engaged to a succubus. Said he would “take care of her.” Typical Freddy, swanning off with the pretty succubus with that “Tilney…Frederick Tilney” His-Majesty’s-Secret-Service rubbish while the rest of us are actually battling the demon hordes. Must admit it always works, but bloody annoying.

Day 15: Met with Sir W— E—. Had to wait while he fixed his hair in at least three looking-glasses before he dismissed the servant and could get down to business. Trifle weary of his act. Percy Blakeney left his card, wants his schtick back, blah de blah. Sir W— troubled to hear about werewolf and succubus, suggested take Miss M. into country, said N. Abbey perfect place for training ground. Does he think I’m going to marry her or something?

Day 16: Freddy came back from Pump Room, said Miss M. was arguing with succubus for switching her attention from Mr. M. to Freddy. Full of himself now. Wager he just wants to get into the succubus’ petticoats. Literally. Eleanor has invited Miss M. to N. Abbey next week. Must prepare training regimen. Horseback riding, toss apples at her to sharpen reflexes, the usual. Curious that we have apples on trees in April. Must have something to do with Abbey being Hellmouth. We do get rather mild winters.

Day 17: Danced with Miss M. at Rooms tonight. She is still concerned about Freddy and succubus. Think I smoothed things over. Freddy better come up to scratch before succubus consumes Miss M.’s brother, or I’ll… I’ll what? Really, it’s not like I’m going to marry Miss M. or anything. Really.

Day 18: Drove to N. Abbey. Father put Miss M. in curricle with me. Eleanor had to fight off demons that had hidden in chaise at Petty France. Fortunately Freddy left her some of his special “toys.” Gave opportunity to break news to Miss M. about vampyres at Abbey. Afraid she thought it a joke. Still the wittiest, but sometimes backfires.

By request, and because it amuses us much more than it should. Part the First may be found here.

Day 7: Went to Cotillion Ball, danced with Miss M. The troglodyte tried to talk to her. Upon closer inspection, appears to be a werewolf. Definitely need to keep poor girl away from that one. Fortunately she appears to have understood the muslin bit. Still the wittiest.*

Day 8: Realized today that Miss M.’s particular friend is a succubus. Exposed upthrust bosom is dead giveaway. Remember tried to teach warning signs to Bertram at Oxford, but he would have none of it. Wanker.

Day 9: Received note from Sir W— E— in Camden-place. Typical story, hides true identity behind facade of upper-class idiot, blah de blah de blah. Thinks Miss M. may be The One. Lovely girl, but hardly demon warrior–though she DID go out driving with werewolf rather than take country walk with us; and perhaps has chosen succubus as particular friend in order to study method of defeating her. Hmm.

Day 10: Eleanor practicing with numchuks in sitting-room. V. annoying when she shows off fancy ninja training, also frightens the servants. A good sturdy stake is all I’ve ever needed. Maybe a bottle of holy water as backup.

Day 11: Sir W.E. wants me to train Miss M. Beechen Cliff excellent spot. Saw Miss M. at theatre. Pretended to be annoyed with her for skipping walk–worked like a charm, she tumbled Mrs. Allen’s gown while assuring me that she has no regard for werewolf. Definitely understood the muslin bit.

Day 12: Walked at Beechen Cliff with Miss M. and Eleanor. Miss M. likes horrid novels. An excellent beginning.

*Full attribution to Sophie; too brilliant to not use.

(with apologies to Cassandra Clare for borrowing her schtick)

Day 1: Rode to Bath. Found lodgings. Went to Lower Rooms. Danced with Miss Morland. Pretty girl, suspect she might have misunderstood the muslin bit. Oh well, it’s not like I’m going to marry her or anything.

Day 2: Rode back to Northanger. Staked two undead in garden after tea. I really am sick and tired of all these vampyres. Totally out of holy water. What kind of Abbey do we live in, anyway, with no secret stash of holy water?

Day 3: Howling ghost kept whole castle up all night. Father sneered at breakfast, “Can’t you do a simple exorcism, Henry? What good has that expensive Oxford education or cushy living I set up done for you? Frederick hasn’t cost me a cent since I bought his commission, except those bills for Madam Dominatra’s House of Lacy Unmentionables. The boy must be keeping half a dozen mistresses by the size of them. That’s my boy!” Mistresses! Ha! That’s what he thinks.

Day 4: Bloody hell. Vampyre hiding behind tapestry, in sliding panel. Staked him, but that was a sneaky one. Might be losing my touch. Perhaps should move to Woodston permanently. Leave for Bath tomorrow. Not a moment too soon.

Day 5: Went to Rooms, saw Miss Morland. Asked her to dance. She said she was engaged, but didn’t dance with anyone until the next dance, when she accepted a troglodyte out of obvious desperation. Looked like an ugly customer I staked in the hermitage walk last year. So did the girl I ended up dancing with, come to think of it. Miss M. definitely misunderstood the muslin bit. Oh well, it’s not like I’m going to marry her or anything.

Day 6: Eleanor came home from Pump Room and teased me about acquiring an admirer. She meant Miss Morland. Hmm. Perhaps she understood the muslin bit after all.

So, Gentle Readers, what did you think of the new film?

ETA: This blog post was made possible by a generous contribution from Period Film Pedants International, who remind you that while Miss Morland would no doubt be delighted to ride in a curricle with Mr. Tilney…THAT WASN’T A CURRICLE.

Screencap for macro ganked from Solitary Elegance, we hope with Heather’s forgiveness if not permission

We have been very naughty…but these just called out for macros.

(ETA: Yes, they’ve been swapped out for new versions using the approved lolcat font.)

Seen on Cute Overload, couldn’t resist:

Apparently she has a MySpace page.

Normally we don’t get into posting the many, many music videos based on Jane Austen adaptations (because, as we said, there’s so darned many of ‘em) but this one, sent by Alert Janeite Angie, made us laugh.

…It is meant ironically, right? Of course it is.

Review by Diana Birchall

Since little is known about any romance Jane Austen may have had, it’s safe to speculate, and screenwriters Kevin Hood and Sarah Williams have crafted a fantasy in which the not-yet-great novelist nearly elopes with Tom Lefroy, a penniless Irishman given to pugilism and bawdry. Director Julian Jarrold has delivered an overlong film with an uncertain portrayal of its heroine at its superficial heart. Irritatingly, it’s peppered with quotes from Austen’s still unwritten novels improbably stuck in the mouths of her family members. Playing the young genius with a blend of bland insipidity and sophisticated lip gloss that will exasperate even the most tepid Janeite, Anne Hathaway lacks chemistry with the puckish, eyebrow-wiggling James McEvoy as her ill-matched lover.* This gives plenty of room for minor characters such as the impressive, eagle-browed James Cromwell as Rev. Austen and Julie Walters in a Mrs. Bennet-like turn as Mrs. Austen, to steal scenes. Maggie Smith has been rolled out to play the requisite fictional elderly dragon lady, and Anna Maxwell Martin as Jane’s sweet sister Cassandra is also noteworthy. The film is unfailingly pretty, despite a sense of hollow uncertainty that keeps us from being swept into involvement with its principal lady. Fortunately, as a saving grace it rises to a bittersweet, tear-inducing ending. This almost makes you forget the conceptual shakiness of a theme that indicates disappointment in love was the catalyst that made Jane Austen what she became.

*Personally I cannot separate him in my mind from the alarmingly creepy Faun he played in the Narnia movie, but he at least acted very well, while Hathaway has only two expressions, both uninteresting and not remotely indicative of Genius. The first expression says, “I am pretty, especially my dark eyes. There, they are exquisitely made up right now, and I will gaze at the camera deeply and soulfully for two full minutes, and you can have a nice look at them, lucky you.” The second expression says, “All right, you’ve seen how pretty my eyes are. Now I must do some acting.” She thereupon looks down, so the eyes are slightly concealed, and puckers her forehead a little in consternation. There’s a third one, actually, but it has to do with the artful application off camera of gobs of translucent lip gloss. It’s strongly related to the first expression, though.

(Regular AustenBlog readers will remember Diana Birchall’s report on the Becoming Jane script, which was quite positive. Of her changed opinion upon seeing the finished product, Diana tells us, “You may remember that I read the screenplay a year or so ago when it was by Kevin Hood alone, and thought it was extremely, impressively good. Now in the press notes I see that the screenplay is credited to Sarah Williams and Kevin Hood, and it is infinitely less good. Draw what inferences you will, but these things do happen on the way to the big screen.” –Ed.)

Inaugurating a new category with this post! And don’t miss the LOLAustens being posted over at Molland’s–they are HI…wait for it…LARIOUS!

We haven’t had a “motivational” style yet…

(used the lolcat generator for that one)

P.S. If you have LOLAustens to submit, post them here!

(Obviously we’re not done flogging the LOLcatz thing. Thanks to Heather L. for evil inspiration.)

Heather L. was inspired by our previous LOLAusten posting…

We have a feeling that we stand on the edge of a precipice.

Alert Janeite Arin sent us a link to a thread at Making Light in which the commenters are making up poetry and rewriting films and literature using l337 and lolcat language, and Abi Sutherland contributed a l337/lolcat version of Pride and Prejudice.

Wikm: IM IN UR TOWN SEDUCIN UR DAUTERS
K17y: o hai

DarC: i can has heart?
l12: no gway u rude

l12: IM IN UR PEMBERLEY ADMIRIN UR STUFF
DarC: hai

We must have our share in the conversation.

(Arin points out that Abi acknowledges further down in the thread that she mixed up Charlotte/Caroline and Ki7y/Lyd14. Still comedy gold.)