AustenBlog . . . she’s everywhere

11 May 2007

MaryBennetBlog

Filed under: Online, Paraliterature — Mags @ 12:54 am

We’ve been sitting on this a bit because we like to read things that we link to before we link to them, but time has been scarce this week, so caveat websurfer. Melissa Mann wrote a “blogus” (a combination of “blog” and “bogus”–in other words, a blog written by a fictional character) in the voice of Mary Bennet, and has collected it into a single PDF that can be downloaded from her site. We’re sure Mary blogs as well as she does everything else *cough* and we would love to hear what our Gentle Readers have to say about it.

4 Responses to “MaryBennetBlog”

Kirsten Says:
May 13th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
Well, I loved this, though I may never again be able to think of Mary with a straight face.
Deb R. Says:
May 14th, 2007 at 9:18 am
Oh my goodness! Who knew what was going on behind that simple bland countenance? This was really squirmy to read.
Tony A Says:
May 14th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
I thought this piece of, ahm, literature, deserves at least a short critique, with a caution that I consider this NSFAGR (Not Safe For the Average Gentle Reader). Being a not-so-Gentle Reader myself, I feel qualified to give it a mini-review. First I would like to give it an alternate title. Let us try… Mary’s Diary: Perversions, seductions, and frog legs. This, just so the Gentle Reader is made aware of the thrust of the piece.

The prose is supposed to be entries in Mary Bennet’s journal, expressing the thoughts and feelings lurking within the dark underbelly of the mind of a neglected, often ignored, unattractive girl, bursting with hormones but with no means to expend them.

The character of Mary was perfect for this, owing to the amount of reading that she had indulged in, for there is not much else for a girl like her to do.

I found it difficult to tell at first if it was taking itself seriously or if it was done tongue-in-cheek. I would like to believe the latter, based on the sometimes over-the-top Austen-speak, and the hackneyed use of words and phrases lifted from the original (P&P) and usually placed in not-so-appropriate context.

At any rate, here is a passage, detailing her reaction upon first eyeing Mr Darcy:

… Thus did I feel an instant and violent attraction for him. Mr Bingley’s acquaintance was named Mr Darcy, but what care I for names? Pray tell me the value of such things when there are desires to be satisfied. I am sensible of only three matters of import: the tallness of his figure, the power in his loins and a pair of brooding eyes that promise, I fancy, much in the way of dark illicit thoughts. Naturally all the ladies of the assembly were a-quiver at the prospect of Mr Darcy – such a fine husband in the making with his ten thousand a-year. Oh yes! how he did stride like a peacock about the room. But let us speak not of cocks, dear reader, for I am at the mere thought of him, a-quiver myself – though it is beneath my skirts not in my heart where these quiverings reside.

There are even more ribald passages after this, like the one depicting Bingley butt-naked except for a tiara. But before you condemn it as smut, not fit to be associated with any work of Jane’s, keep in mind that this is all the product of a highly imaginative girl’s fantasies.

Overall, I would not give Ms Mann an A for her sprachgefuhl… maybe a B+, or a B++. The narrative covers pretty much the whole of the P&P saga, which, for such a short piece, is testimony to how well it was constructed and written. However, familiarity with the original Austen work does help fill in the blanks.

If you are able to set aside your uptight Janeite snobbishness for a few minutes, you might find this to be a fun read. (And if you are wondering about the “frog legs” in the made-up title, you will have to read the whole thing, and may even have to refer to your French dictionary.) Enjoy!
Susan L Says:
May 17th, 2007 at 12:24 am
I’m a Janeite (and proud of it) and I loved it. The character of Mary seen from two completely different angles. JA presents her so fleetingly as a prim, modest girl. And now we have what goes in within her mind behind the facade. I laughed the whole way through it.