Raise pikes and prepare to be boarded, Gentle Readers…it’s coming!

Lost In Austen is billed as an “ingenious reinvention” of the much-loved novel and owes more than a little inspiration to BBC hit Life On Mars.

We’ll be all astonishment if this turns out to be half as good as Life on Mars. The American version of Life on Mars didn’t even turn out to be half as good as Life on Mars, what makes anyone think that Mary Sue in a Regency gown will do it?

While Elizabeth discovers the joys of the internet and macrobiotic diets

That might actually be kind of amusing.

The writers have taken great liberties with the plot - Jane Bennet marries the clergyman Mr Collins, Lydia Bennet runs off with Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy falls in love with Amanda.

What did we say? Mary Sue.

Scenes sure to raise eyebrows among Austen purists include Amanda showing the Bennet sisters her newly waxed bikini line and taking Mr Bingley outside for a “snog”.

Ya think?

“People may hate it. Belle-lettrists may orchestrate public disembowelments of all concerned.”

Nah, we’ll just mock you till you cry like a little girl. Or maybe use you for Cluebatting practice.

Books Are Nice Week continues with an excerpt from Pride and Prejudice. It occurred to us recently that it’s probably one of the most, if not the most, important scene in the novel: the confrontation between Lady Catherine de Bourgh and Elizabeth Bennet in the prettyish little wilderness at Longbourn.

“I will not be interrupted. Hear me in silence. My daughter and my nephew are formed for each other. They are descended, on the maternal side, from the same noble line; and, on the father’s, from respectable, honourable, and ancient — though untitled — families. Their fortune on both sides is splendid. They are destined for each other by the voice of every member of their respective houses; and what is to divide them? The upstart pretensions of a young woman without family, connections, or fortune. Is this to be endured! But it must not, shall not be. If you were sensible of your own good, you would not wish to quit the sphere in which you have been brought up.”

“In marrying your nephew, I should not consider myself as quitting that sphere. He is a gentleman; I am a gentleman’s daughter; so far we are equal.”

That’s really quite a declaration. Everyone’s been so obsequious to Darcy for the whole book, except for Lizzy, of course; but while she hasn’t taken him too seriously, to come out and say, “I am his equal,” plainly like that, and in such a situation, is really quite remarkable. Or are we perhaps reading too much into it?

Feel free to post a passage you like; feel free to use the Molland’s e-text to copy and paste.

Welcome to the latest edition of our regular Tuesday Open Thread, in which we present some links that didn’t quite make the cut for full posts in the past week but that we thought still might be of interest to our Gentle Readers.

Even the wine drinkers can’t resist the allure of a certain sentence. Apologies to the pukers.

Two authors collaborate on a book of literary destinations for armchair travelers, including Jane Austen’s Bath.

The Womensmoney blog has a video presentation comparing the economic situation of women to the romantic situation of the sisters Dashwood, having to learn how to balance sense and, er, sensibility. The metaphor is a trifle stretched, but the information is timely.

So what’s new in your patch of Janeiteville?

It’s a few months old, but we were amused when we stumbled across a detective story of sorts featuring a Jane Austen fan who loved her not wisely but too well and some militant Janeites. The author confessed that he wrote it out of a fear of clowns, and of Jane Austen! Well, there’s nothing like facing up to your phobias, we suppose.

Dressing History has announced a new accessories shop, which includes kits to make your own bonnets as well as ready-made items such as fingerless mitts and stockings to complete your Regency kit.

The Greater Lewisville Community Theatre will stage a production of Pride and Prejudice on February 13-March 1, 2009. We have to admit to a chuckle from the description of the play.

We borrow from the world of classic literature Miss Jane Austen’s story of love and family.

Bennet Family Values. Somebody write THAT play.

To be a wife was success. Anything else was failure. Jane and her Mr. Bingley and Lydia with her Mr. Wickham are quite content with things as they are, but not Elizabeth! She actually refuses to marry Mr. Collins, whom she openly deplores, and Mr. Darcy, whom she secretly adores.

But…not when she refuses…oh, never mind. The tickets are $10-13 and available by calling the box office for a reservation.

Sourcebooks’ Austenfans website now features free e-cards with the 1798 Henry and Charles Brock illustrations of the novels. You also can send e-cards featuring covers of your favorite Sourcebook paraliterature title.