Review by Allison T.

The life of a reviewer of Jane Austen prequels, sequels and re-tellings is a hard and lonely one. Some days it feels like every Austen-lover (but me) has written some version of P&P—motivated principally by feelings of love and admiration for the source but also not un-aware that almost anything with a P&P-like title or a tie-in to The Great One can get published and bring in the bucks.

And yet here I am perplexed as to how to categorize Kara Louise’s Drive and Determination, a book that has a splendid, double-barreled, Austen-like name but a disclaimer on the back-cover that reads: “This modern day novel is inspired by Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice. It is not meant to replace her story or to even incorporate all the events. Those familiar with her story will recognize certain characters and events.”

Here the author has both neatly connected yet disconnected herself from the real P&P: are we meant to read this story as P&P or are we not? This reviewer selflessly plunked down $14.95 (plus S&H) to find out.

It turns out that we are, kinda. Here’s the story, more or less.

Elyssa Barnett, an young interior designer, has long wondered why sister Janet’s boyfriend, Chad Blakely, has put up with the handsome (on a 50 top eligible bachelor list for two years running in a “well known publication”) cold, rich Will Denton, but she really gets P.O’d at him when he turns up late to Janet and Chad’s wedding rehearsal. So rude of him! Elyssa hates cold, manipulative, rich CEOs since her father dropped dead from over-work a few years ago. (Huh?) And Will is the president of a family-owned coffee company in Guatemala called Pemberleo Coffee. (???) Then Elyssa really takes a scunner to Will when gives Chad the wedding gift of a promotion, sending him to Guatemala. Then 2 years later Janet and Chad die in a car accident (this isn’t a spoiler, as it is mentioned on the back cover) and now Elyssa is REALLY mad at Will because It’s All His Fault. But he finds himself Strangely Drawn to her when she, sobbing, gives a Really Really Great Eulogy for Janet. And then she goes to Guatemala to sort through the effects and meets a Pemberleo Coffee employee George Westham (who would like to get into bed with Elyssa but merely hints at it—and we know that he’d like to get to know younger sister Lynette whom he remembers from the wedding, but of course, he’s down in Guatemala and she’s in the U.S. somewhere so nothing happens and Will sends him away and we never hear about him or Lynette again). There are a few other characters with P&P names but who don’t exhibit much, if any, P&P characterization. Mud slides, a bout of Montezuma’s Revenge, a visit to a day care in a poor neighborhood, paparazzi and other extreme events fill the pages of this tale, which relies heavily on description and narration and not so much on dialogue or character development.

So what is this reviewer to do? I can say that it’s not much like Austen’s P&P except that the boy and girl “meet cute,” dislike each other at first and then get married at the end—but the author has already disarmed reproof by stating that this is only “inspired” by the original; it does not attempt to retell it. But if she uses P&P names and a P&P-like title, but not really any of the insight into character, then—oh, dear! Head spinning on shoulders! Must stop!

The spate of Austen para-literature has gotten out of hand. It wasn’t so bad when it was confined to the Internet (and was free) where only the most obsessed found it, but now that so much money is changing hands in Austenland it seems only fair to demand some ground-rules. Unlike happy families, good para-literature is unique; bad para-literature all fail in similar ways. So listen up, boys and girls: here are this reviewer’s Official Rules of Jane Austen Retellings.

1. Your characters are not required to have names that match the initial letters of Austen’s characters (in fact, it’s more fun if they don’t), but;
2. Your characters must exhibit similar qualities to hers: that is, your Elizabeth and your Mr. Darcy must each exhibit elements of both pride and prejudice and they must both be taught a lesson and learn and grow from their mistaken beliefs. They are not permitted to simply dislike each other on sight and then get the hots for each other without saying at least once to themselves or others: “Gosh, I was wrong wrong wrong about him/her and I acted badly and I’ll never get him/her back.”
3. You are permitted to drop minor characters, which is why Kitty and Mary Bennet are so often relegated along with Margaret Dashwood, Mr and Mrs Hurst and Betsy Price to the Department of Un-Wanted Characters; but
4. You are required to maintain the basic plot sequence (if you are Retelling an Austen work). That is, your characters aren’t permitted to die if Austen’s didn’t. The reason for this rule is that it introduces a whole different set of emotions and motivations to the plot, which your characters must reasonably deal with, but which Austen’s didn’t. It’s inconceivable to me to imagine a retelling of P&P or even more radically, S&S—both books in which the loving relationship between the sisters is at the heart of the story—in which one sister is bumped off within 30 pages of the beginning. This action makes it a WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. Be brave! If that’s the story you want to tell, then tell it, but don’t tie it to Austen!
5. Finally, if you choose a double-barreled title like, oh, I don’t know, “Folly and Futility,” then you are committed to showing that both your hero and your heroine exhibit extremes of these qualities (see rule 2, above) but then learn to bring them into appropriate balance. You might even repeat these words, separately or together, at various times throughout your novel. You are not permitted to merely close your novel with the very first reference to this phrase.

If you do not care to follow these rules, then what you have is Your Very Own Romance Novel—which is great! You are not, however, permitted to jump onto the Jane Austen bandwagon with it tucked under your arm. Your novel must stand on its own two feet. Drive and Determination doesn’t.