Pray forgive the rather tortured metaphor of the title of this post. Today PBS held a breakfast for the press to announce details of the Complete Jane Austen on Masterpiece Theatre next year.

Some of the more important details are the dates involved. The season will run for ten weeks starting in January 2008 with a break for the March begathon. It’s unclear how the 10 weeks will be divided up.

Most of the coverage offered up the same information, with a few notable exceptions. Alert Janeite Lisa sent us a post from Tim Goodman’s blog at the San Francisco Chronicle in which he snarks a bit:

This morning, it’s Masterpiece Theater and “The Complete Jane Austen,” where PBS plans on bringing all six books to life (and resurrect past versions) in one gigantic Jane Austen orgasm.

Oh, come on. Who hasn’t dreamed of writing that sentence?

Well, now you’ve ruined it for everyone! Greedy!

He also feeds a bit of raw meat to the fangirls:

On stage today we have screenwriter Andrew Davies (”Sense and Sensibility,” “Emma,” “Pride and Prejudice”), actor Anthony Head (and yes, he’s still announced to American writers as the guy who was on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) and David Morrissey, who, as Eaton properly noted, is probably the most sought after actor in England. He’s been in just about everything, including “Meadowlands” now on Showtime and “Viva Blackpool,” the BBC series that CBS has just about ruined for next fall. Plus, he’s been in about 8,569 other roles. I’ve got to tell you, the guy is magnetic. I ran into him in the elevator and he’s a tall, great looking piece of work. But as fans know already, it’s his expressive face - mostly brooding, always intense - that makes you stare at him. Whoops, he’s off the elevator. But up on stage today, he’s still got it.

Tell that to Miss Marianne!

Another blog post at the Florida Sun-Sentinel had a bit of snark that unfortunately fell flat.

IIn what is perhaps a foolhardy attempt to chase a youthful audience, a Jane Austen action figure has been created. This is not just a Jane Austen action figure. It is a Jane Austen action figure with a desk and quill pen. Transformers better enjoy the toy store shelf space it has while it can.

Attention journalists: Google is your friend. Does the Editrix have to choke a…young person? (Displaying more admirable urges, we left a comment explaining the longtime availability of said action figure and that it is not meant for kids.)

David Morrissey, who plays Col. Brandon in Sense and Sensibility, revealed a bit of inside baseball that he, PBS and Masterpiece Theatre will probably rue letting out. In order to get a falcon to land on his arm in one scene, Morrissey had to conceal a small chick in his hand.

Once the bird of prey landed, Morrissey said, the camera had to linger for an extended period on his co-star, Hattie Morahan, as Elinor Dashwood. The falcon was tearing the head off the chick and ripping apart the rest of its carcass. “Feathers were flying everywhere.”

*is stunned*

Well, we know falcons have to eat and all, but…was this really necessary?

<editorial aside>
Yo, PBS, until you get another corporate sponsorship, we would appreciate it if you did not spend our pledge money, earned by the sweat of our brow and specifically earmarked for Masterpiece Theatre/Mystery!, to feed a bunch of journalists who are just going to mock you. When it’s courtesy of the bloated per diem of Corporate America, feed them filet mignon for all we care, but until then just set up pitchers of water and put out a few bowls of pretzels or something. They won’t starve.

Oh, and another thing? If you are going to stake the future of your program on Jane Austen adaptations, you might want to make sure they’re actually good first.
</editorial aside>