And must now retreat to the drawing-room until the he tells us it’s okay to come out.

It seems we’re badly informed on the works of Jane Austen. Pray, sir, educate us! Impart to us all the wisdom of your 17 years!

ETA: To clarify: our feelings were not hurt by the Young Person’s diatribe. We found it hilarious and thought our Gentle Readers would enjoy an opportunity to take a turn with the Cluebat of Janeite Righteousness. Dorothy’s polishing it up right now…queue up for a turn!

Alert Janeite Ben spotted a Jane Austen reference in last week’s Nature.

Mr Woodhouse, the comical hypochondriac of Jane Austen’s Emma, takes great comfort in blaming his various ailments on the rain, the cold and an unfortunate piece of wedding cake. He would, no doubt, have been greatly surprised to learn that even his most rudimentary ailments resulted, at least in part, from genetic factors. Reporting on page 661 of this issue, a consortium of more than 50 British groups, known collectively as the Wellcome Trust Case Control Consortium (WTCCC), asserts just that. In the largest study of its type so far, the WTCCC has examined the genetic underpinnings of seven common human diseases: rheumatoid arthritis, hypertension, Crohn’s disease (the most common form of inflammatory bowel disease), coronary artery disease, bipolar disorder — also known as manic depression — and type 1 and type 2 diabetes.

But of course it can all be cured by a nice bowl of really thin gruel.

Alert Janeite Kirsten sent us a link to an article in USA Weekend Magazine about the historical content of upcoming films “based on a true story,” including Becoming Jane.

The History Channel’s resident historian Steve Gillon (his series Our Generation returns this Friday at 6:30 p.m. ET) knows, and he is willing to go easy on the movies. “We have to give the studios some leeway,” he says. “As long as a movie is faithful to the essence of history, filmmakers can take a certain license. What’s important is that a movie ignites the imagination and inspires people to seek the truth.”

Even with this generous outlook, Mr. Gillon seems disinclined to give Becoming Jane a total pass.

CAUTION
“The film is about a two-week relationship, of which little is documented. Who knows what the couple said to each other? I hope the filmmakers won’t try to oversimplify Austen.”

So do we, but we think it a hopeless business.

Alert Janeite Marmee sent us a postcard featuring this comic from Stone Soup–for all the mothers-to-be out there.

The Epicurean Dealmaker thinks investment bankers (of which he is one) can take a lesson from Pride and Prejudice.

Were I ever to receive a damaging blow to the temporal lobes which compelled me to devise a curriculum for first year MBA students, one of the chief works I would have the eager young beavers in my charge read and comprehend—in addition to the usual dry and dusty tomes on CAPM, merger accounting, and operations research—would be Pride and Prejudice. Like many of Jane Austen’s novels, I have long been of the belief that P&P is severely underrated as a how-to manual for success in both my chosen vocation, investment banking, and the broader socioeconomic sphere in which I and many of my brethren move, New York Society.

And which character is the most merger-minded in that novel?

You see, at the end of the day, the character in Pride and Prejudice investment bankers most closely resemble is Mrs. Bennet, the mother of the five nubile Bennet daughters, whose chief and apparently sole aim in life is to have each of her impecunious daughters married off advantageously, no matter what arguments may exist for or against any particular matrimonial union. She is not very bright (although quite crafty), and she has absolutely no qualms about making a complete and utter fool of herself and her family in pursuit of a deal.

And, when both Jane and Elizabeth Bennet are married to rich and handsome men whom they happen—by completely and utterly irrelevant chance—to love, Mrs. Bennet takes full and singular credit for the happy matches.

Now there is a woman I would hire for my firm.