…and then inadvisedly open their big mouths on the Internets where the Editrix can find it.

First up, Beavis:

On Lesbianism
How do you think I can live poking by myself, I who have been always used till this winter to have Charlotte with me.
– The Gossip-Monger Mrs. Jennings; In Sense and Sensibility

On Masturbation
Astonished and shocked, she was almost ready to cry out, but checking her desire, confined herself to this silent ejaculation.
– The Chatty Mrs. Jennings; In Sense and Sensibility

Heh Heh. She said “poking.”

*rolls eyes*

Interference is permissible, desirable and successful - when it is kindly meant.
– Final sentence of Pride and Prejudice; recognizing the helpful interference of Nice and Good Mrs. and Mr. Gardiner in uniting Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy

Huh? The final sentence of P&P is:

With the Gardiners, they were always on the most intimate terms. Darcy, as well as Elizabeth, really loved them; and they were both ever sensible of the warmest gratitude towards the persons who, by bringing her into Derbyshire, had been the means of uniting them.

*chases Beavis away with Cluebat of Janeite Righteousness*

Next, we have Butthead:

I wanted to cover some literary figures, like Ninon de Lenclos and Casanova. I manage to avoid Shakespeare altogether, other than a reference to the Forest of Arden in the Lady Godiva chapter. There were others, like Jane Austen, who were much written about, but I couldn’t understand why no one was asking why she never got married when all her heroines did. What’s with that?

It wasn’t like she didn’t have the opportunity, bubba, so we would say “Because she didn’t want to” would be the most likely response; with, of course, the caveat “Though she most likely would have had she met the right man,” or had the Mysterious Suitor-by-the-Sea lived to come up to scratch. Go re-read Mr. Collins’ proposal, and Mr. Darcy’s first proposal, and John Thorpe’s awkward attempt at it, and understand why Jane might have preferred to remain single. And then read practically every biography ever written about her and understand that you’re not the first genius to discuss the subject. Sheesh.

*waves Cluebat at annoying Butthead*

And a bonus link from the The Stupid, It Burns Us, Precious Desk:

In charge of them, supported by a small band of marines, were stalwart minor functionaries of the Royal Navy, the kind of men Jane Austen chose as heroes in Persuasion and Mansfield Park.

Nothing against the Royal Marines, but the only one of that brotherhood in Jane Austen’s novels would be Mr. Price, who is no hero, and really isn’t even a Marine during the story (he was disabled from the service, you will recall).