Bring Out Your Snark!
Fulfilling a promise to a friend: for all of us humorless persnickety purists who are secretly dying to snark P&P3 (whether we liked it or not), here’s the place; add your bit in the comments.
WARNING: Here be spoilage! This is mostly for people who have seen the film, or don’t care about being spoiled.
Those who don’t want to read the snark (again, whether or not you liked the film), just don’t click…
We’ll start it off: why in the name of Horatio Hornblower is “Colonel” Fitzwilliam wearing the undress uniform of a post-captain in the Royal Navy? Did they think no one would notice? We’ve read Persuasion, you know, and have a fine naval fervor. We can spot a you-nee-form at 100 paces.
His epaulets are horribly tarnished, too. Somewhere, Preserved Killick is muttering just loud enough to be audible.
November 11th, 2005 at 1:04 am
LOL! This is great. OK.
Why, oh, why didn’t Darcy go back to Netherfield for his green or whatever color of jacket and his hairbrush and THEN come back to Longbourn to ask Mr. Bennet for his daughter’s hand?? Darcy proposing in his pajama? Insupportable!
November 11th, 2005 at 11:35 am
And Darcy coming in all his state to deliver the letter at an ungodly hour. I was utterly confused. But I must state that Matthew Macfayden is a gentleman through and through. I saw him at the NYC premier last night and squealed for an autograph and he obliged. Even went so far as to write my name which I had to spell for him. Lovely!
November 11th, 2005 at 2:28 pm
And how come Lady Catherine “knew” that Darcy and Lizzy were about to become engaged and Jane didn’t?
November 11th, 2005 at 5:09 pm
I’m just moving this up from the answer I dropped to Kathleen’s “Dude, Where’s My Hairbrush” thread. I figure it has a better of chance of being seen here, now.
I have SO much snark for this flick. Some of it fact-based, but most of it is just snarky snark.
I feel Kathleen was too kind in her review.
She could have made much of the dreadful table manners of Miss Elizabeth Bennet, who licked and sucked gravy (presumably) off her fingers (at least two each AND the thumb) during each dinner scene.
I laughed at many points, too–none of them intentional, but by the end I was pining for the credits to roll as soon as possible. Seeing Darcy ask Mr. Bennet for Lizzie’s hand in marriage with his shirt gaping open and in a state of near-undress had me writhing in my seat, not in lustful gaping-shirtage inspired throes of frustrated Firthesque Darcy longing, but in dental pain brought on by grinding my back molars down to tender, throbbing nubs.
Speaking of teeth, Keira appears to have twice the normal compliment of dentition. I did not know at one point if she was about to snog Darcy or cannibalize him. Thankfully, it was a snog. Even Hannibal Lector knew to use a napkin to tidy up afterwards, but all bets were off on this version of Lizzie doing the same.
I never thought a mere movie could do this to me, but I found myself wanting to befriend Caroline Bingley and cuddle and console the Reverend Mr. Collins. The only fan fic moment this movie would inspire me to write about would be what appeared to be a certain disappointment in Mary that Mr. Collins hadn’t chosen HER instead. I think they’d have made quite a good match.
We were not amused by Sassy!Georgiana, either. This version of Georgiana Darcy, far from being the sort of shy, sheltered, artistic young woman who would fall prey to the slimey charms of a Wickham so hopeless he could not even match his hair ribbon to his uniform jacket (baby blue with red–WTF!?), was a different kettle of fish entirely. THIS Miss Darcy was more the sort who would grasp Wickham by his lapels, slam him against the wall of the Orangery, stick her hand down his breeches, and demand that he come up to scratch. Giddyup, George…
And yes, Kathleen, there WERE incorrect dogs! The Scottish Deerhound during that time period was a breed which could ONLY be owned by nobility and the super-wealthy. And it certainly would NOT have been seen in the part of England where P&P took place. And so if they were going to go through all that trouble to make the Bennets look like they were so very poor, there is NO WAY they would have had a Scottish Deerhound. Very, very incorrect and not at all gritty. They should have given Mr. Bennet a crossbred-looking spaniel to hunt with, and let loose a few rat terriers, and all would have been well on the canine verisimilitude front.
My patience was so exhausted that by the time Lizzie was standing on that cliff high atop the craggy moors of Rohan, I mean–Derbyshire–brooding about Heathcliff–I mean Darcy!–I was really wishing Warg Riders would show up to liven up the proceedings. It was nice of the director to throw in a picnic in Fangorn Forest not much later. A mighty Sequoia, indeed.
Speaking of mighty Sequoias, Matthew MacFadyen IS sexy and HE has fine eyes indeed, and it would be nice to see him in something else, rather than having to alternate between Brooding!Stalkerish!Darcy and KickedPuppyDog!Darcy. I will give him a second chance, but not this movie. Like Mary’s piano playing at Netherfield Ball, it has delighted me long enough.
I am content to retire to my spinsterish corner with Mary Bennet, Miss Bingley, and any other curmudgeonly snarkers who care to join me while the young folks enjoy themselves at the ball.
I have more….
November 12th, 2005 at 6:49 pm
Please continue, Karen. This is really cheering me up
November 12th, 2005 at 6:51 pm
PS - May I beg a seat beside you, Caroline and Mary (I’d would never have dreamed to ask for that). I might arrive a bit late, since my chance to see the film will be in February
November 13th, 2005 at 10:30 am
Ok, here’s a snarkworthy moment for you–
When Lizzie comes downstairs in the middle of the night to meet with Lady Catherine, who has dropped in without notice to berate her for her pretensions to being Darcy’s fiancee and assure herself that it cannot be true, Lizzie has her hair braided over her shoulder and tied with a length of what looks like filthy, gauze bandages.
Mags said, “What’s that in her hair?” And I said, “You know when back then they said you were ‘on the rag’, you really were ON the RAG? Well, that’s the rag.”
Seriously, a clean ribbon would not have been too much to ask.
November 14th, 2005 at 10:33 pm
Ha! From the Jane Austen fans Livejournal, P&P3 in the style of Movies in 15 Minutes.
November 16th, 2005 at 3:15 pm
Just wanted to add one thing about Fitzwilliam’s tarnished epaulets — though I didn’t actually notice that they were tarnished, as a refugee from the world of film production, I imagine that they were probably “dulled” with “dulling spray” which is a quick and easy way to keep something shiny from catching too much light when you are shooting. In my experience, even items as small and thin as a lady’s hairpin sometimes must be dulled to keep from shining when such a shine is deemed incompatible with the shot. Just FYI. : )
November 17th, 2005 at 10:53 pm
I love everyone’s comments. Please allow me to join the curmudgeon corner.
The one thing that finally put me over the edge was the attack of giggles Mr. Bennet got when told Mr. Darcy had saved his foolish daughter and family from social ruin. Did I miss the joke someplace??
I didn’t realize I was such a book purist. LOL!! Really, I am not.
November 18th, 2005 at 1:04 am
This is the best blog ever! I found myself at the very first showing of P&P in Atlanta last Friday. What an experience, to find myself in the company of so many Austen followers. It was awesome! To my great surprise, I really enjoyed P&P. Don’t get me wrong, this film is not kosher with the book in many ways, but I can’t deny the fact that P&P is a very well put together and entertaining film.
That being said, some “snarks” I had…
Mr. And Mrs. Hurst, the Gardiner Children and Maria Lucas are MIA. Mr. Charles Bingley saying the word (forgive me) “ass?!?!” The interior of Lady Catherine’s estate looking like a French whore house, as it rightfully SHOULD. Mr. Darcy’s Pemberly interior looking like a French whore house, as it rightfully SHOULD NOT. So many of the classic unforgettable lines and themes from the book are completely ignored. The uncharacteristically “adorable” Mr. Darcy towards the end of the film. Keira Knightley’s extremely bad wig, weave or whatever the heck that uncombed dead animal residing atop her head was, and why does she appear to be wearing make up when none of the other actresses have any on? Mr. Darcy asking Mr. Bennet for his daughter’s hand in such a shocking state of undress! Why would Lady Catherine be holding a riding crop during her dumb late night (??) visit to the Bennets? I am so sorry, I could go on. P&P the movie might have resembled P&P the book, if Miss Austen had consumed only “Red Bull” and “Sour Patch Kids” while composing it.
If you enjoyed my “snark,” you would make me happier than Lydia in a room full of “red coats” if you would please read my review of P&P, “Pride and PrejuDISSED”. It is my, mostly vain, attempt at humor and critical analysis.
November 20th, 2005 at 6:41 pm
meghan,
enjoyed your snark, and your review. can’t wait to see the movie. i’ll be doing so this week! i noticed you are reading mr. darcy’s daughters. and i wondered if you read mr. darcy takes a wife. i was so excited to find them two summers ago. though they are not as good as an austen original, they are good enough for me as i hate for good stories to come to an end.
November 20th, 2005 at 9:50 pm
During the “Lizzy standing on the rocks” bit, did anyone else think of the old Monty Python skit, “The Classics in Code,” where Cathy and Heathcliff stand on opposite cliffs with semaphore flags?
Oh, and I finally finished my P&P filk:
The Longbourn Hillbillies
Come and listen to a story ’bout a girl named Liz
Gettin’ down and dirty, farming is the family biz
And then one day she was walking in the rain
And Darcy said he loved her but her family was insane
Fitzwilliam, that is
Pemberley, Derbyshire
And next thing you know ol’ Liz is feeling blue
Mrs. Bennet said “Lizzy, Collins is the man for you!
He will keep us from starving in the hedgerows, you see”
But Lizzy said, “Ma’am, I’m holding out for Pemberley”
Statues, that is
Swimming pools, ten thousand a year
Now they’re all at Pemberley as happy as can be
Snogging by the lake so that the servants all can see
The Janeites laugh and point and mock but why should Lizzy care?
She bagged a man of fortune and didn’t even brush her hair
Anachronistic, that is
Sit a spell, take your bonnet off (what bonnet?)
Y’all watch out for the pig now, y’hear?
November 21st, 2005 at 2:51 am
Andrea, Thank you for reading my review. I am glad that you liked it. I really know what you mean about not wanting a good story to end. Of the countless sequels that have been written to Pride and Prejudice, I have read three. Presumption, Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife and Mr. Darcy’s Daughters. Presumption was okay, I did feel like the author was trying too hard to write like Jane Austen, instead it just came out droll and boring. I found Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife to be, well, GROSS. I still can’t believe that I finished it. As I was reading, Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife, I kept hearing this strange whooshing sound. I am convinced that it was poor Miss Austen spinning in her grave. Of the three sequels, Mr. Darcy’s Daughters is my favorite. While it is no Austen, I really appreciated its fresh take on the Darcy family. I am looking forward to reading its sequel, The Exploits and Adventures of Miss Alethea Darcy. Wow, I am now reading sequels to sequels, I might be in need of professional help. I hope that you enjoy the film. Thanks again!
November 21st, 2005 at 12:21 pm
“Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife” (originally published under the title “The Bar Sinister”) is, IMNSHO, putrid. Nothing but badly written soft-core pornography. Bleagh.
My 2 favorite sequels are “Pemberley Shades” and “The Confession of Fitzwilliam Darcy.”
And, while there is enough to snark about in the movie, I liked it. Enough to see it 3 times.
November 22nd, 2005 at 9:50 am
Julie, I agree. Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife (The Bar Sinister) is porn, and badly written porn at that (not that I would know what well written porn looked like, if there is such a thing). As I was reading it, I felt that it was so far removed from Austen, and was actually based on the author’s apparent overdose of bad period costume film and “novels” with Fabio on the cover. I will have to check out your recommendations.
November 25th, 2005 at 12:38 pm
Greetings…
Just wanted to say thanks for this lovely blog. Its fairly new to me, but I found this “snark” thread and just wanted to comment…
I went to see P&P with high hopes (especially after crying at the end of the trailer!)but the whole movie was so anticlimactic. What a disappointment!
First, the dance at the beginning seemed way too rowdy. Then, seeing Lizzy with her hair hanging down her back after walking to visit her sister was especially shocking. Talk about a hoyden! I feel that I know a small amout of history during the Regency period, and surely a young woman of her age would have endeavored to keep her hair up!
There are several other things that have already been mentioned that were definitely out of place (Lady Catherine in the middle of the night was totally bizzare!), but I tried to give the director and screenwriter a small benefit of doubt, perhaps allowing for “creative license”. But now I have a craving to watch the A&E P&P again.
The thing that makes me rather sad, too, is that this will not be a dvd that I will watch over and over again, unlike the excellent Sense and Sensibility (I virtually wore out my VHS version!). Too bad Emma Thompson couldn’t have done the screenplay at least. I’m sure her version would have been wonderful!
December 1st, 2005 at 4:36 pm
Was anybody else disappointed at how abrupt the scene came with Lizzie sharing her distressing letter from Jane? I felt much was left out that led into that event. In the A&E version of PP I felt the evening before when Mr.Darcy invited Lizzie and her aunt and uncle over was a pivoting moment in the movie when you see Lizzie falling in love with Mr.Darcy and also the sincerity of Mr.Darcy’s love for Lizzie. I didn’t see this occur in this film as beautifully as the other. Or did I miss something?
January 5th, 2006 at 8:16 pm
Colonel Fitz in the Navy? DH, a naval architect, went through all his naval history books on Nelson’s time and couldn’t find anything at all resembling what Colonel Fitzwilliam was wearing. The closest we came was a coat worn by General Brock in an Army history book. Mags, Hornblower (fiction) aside, do you have any historical pictures of similar naval jackets? Thanks!
January 5th, 2006 at 10:14 pm
Well, I saw the bloody movie two months ago, so I have to do this from memory, but I seem to recall it looked like a normal gentleman’s coat in dark blue with rather tarnished-looking epaulets. I can’t remember if it had gold braid on the sleeves or not. It did not look exactly like a naval uniform, but it looked closer to a naval uniform than an army uniform; the ones I have seen had more frogging on the front, but I claim no expertise in military uniforms.
When I saw the film I was only a week or two removed from attending the Trafalgar 200th anniversary celebration in Portsmouth. I also had the opportunity to go to the wonderful “Nelson and Napoleon” exhibition at the National Maritime Museum in Greenwich, where they have several of Lord Nelson’s uniforms on display, including this one, which he was wearing when he was fatally shot and which, between the bloodstained waistcoat and cut-up breeches, reduced me to tears–and I’m not even that big of a Nelson fan. Of course, that’s an admiral’s undress uniform, and of course, Nelson always had to slap his medals all over everything, but it is a plain blue coat with epaulets.
This site is wonderful to get details of naval uniforms from the time. I crocheted a full dress captain’s uniform for a teddy bear a few years back (because obviously I am mad ;)) and I used this site as a reference. I’ve had re-enactors flip out over the teddy bear…the ladies at the Victory gift shop asked if I made them to sell! Here is a pic of Horatio Bear. I used the full-dress uniform from 1795-1812, as I thought the white facings on the lapels used earlier and later would be too difficult to duplicate.
Anyway, I guess the point of all this is that I have seen the real thing up close and personal. If Col. Fitzwilliam’s uniform WAS meant to be a naval uniform, it was not a very good one. I certainly never meant to imply that it was an exact copy, just that at first glance it looked more like a naval uniform than an army one. I’d be interested to see a pic of the army uniform you found.
January 5th, 2006 at 11:00 pm
Fitz’ jacket was nothing like Nelson’s but somewhat similar to the bear’s. Not sure exactly what that means! Unfortunately the pictures I have are all in big books. I found these images of General Sir Isaac Brock. The cut of the jacket — double breasted and cut high at the waist — is very similar…far more similar than naval coats I’ve seen from that period. Of course, it’s red, but undress uniforms would often be a different color.
Re “If Col. Fitzwilliam’s uniform WAS meant to be a naval uniform, it was not a very good one.” Obviously no one could have intended that Colonel Fitz be in the navy since there is no such naval rank.
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=general%20brock&sa=N&tab=wi
January 6th, 2006 at 9:49 am
Obviously no one could have intended that Colonel Fitz be in the navy since there is no such naval rank.
Of course not, hence my snark. But that would have been far from the only problem with that film, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all to find out they didn’t know any better.
A double-breasted coat wouldn’t have done Lefty Nelson much good, I dare say; and as I pointed out, it is an admiral’s uniform, not a captain’s. I noticed that Nelson’s uniforms on display at the NMM had little loops sewn to the end of the right sleeve so it could be hooked on one of the buttons. I dare say some little modifications for his particular situation were not untoward. My point in bringing it up is that I *have* seen real period naval uniforms, despite your rather snide comment about “fiction.” It doesn’t get more real than standing three feet from Nelson’s coat with the bullet hole and the half-missing epaulet and the bloodstained waistcoat and shirt and stockings and the breeches cut off him to make him more comfortable as he lay dying in the orlop of the Victory. It moved me more than almost anything else I saw on my trip to England. (At least until a Certain Individual sidled up to me and hissed “Justice for Lady Nelson!” in my ear. Ruined the moment but probably saved me from making a rather embarrassing public spectacle of myself as well.)
If among your big books you include Claire Tomalin’s biography of Jane Austen, among the illustrations there is a painting of Charles Austen in a double-breasted naval uniform coat, though it is a full-dress captain’s uniform and has gold braid along the edge of the lapels. I’m sure other Austen bios have that painting, but can’t say specifically which ones; the Tomalin was at hand this morning and I glanced into it quickly. The painting might even be on the web somewhere.
As far as fictional representations of historical costumes and military/naval uniforms go, I’d put up Hornblower and Master and Commander against P&P3 anytime. Anytime.
January 6th, 2006 at 10:40 am
And the jacket doesn’t match the later Hornblower series, but seems close to Gregory Peck’s Hornblower jacket. Nothing at all close in Master and Commander though. I’ll keep looking.
January 6th, 2006 at 11:03 am
Why?